Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Push

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK
Sometimes thats just what we need to get us through the day

Summer Reads

I will write more about this later.. but I think every person who is a full blooded human being needs to read "Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is)" by Joshua Harris! This book, its put so many things into perspective for me... its bare bones honesty, its heart changing, it makes you re-evaluate so many things in life.
This book is what I have been needing for the past year, I cant put it down, I cant pick it up, I dont even read it... I just... open it, and it feels like God is just saying "Laney, here is what I have done for you, I understand you screw up, but my grace is all you need, dont forget that!". And I know the title makes it seem like this book is all about s-e-x, but really its about living life, living a sanctified life, and failing at it, and the fact that God's grace is enough for us.
So good! Read it..


And while you're at it... take a look at Starving Jesus too!

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the king

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind

You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the king

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by you

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
And I know my heart is to feel you near
And I know my life
It's to do your will
It's to do your will

All my life I have seen
Where you've take me
Beyond all I have hoped
And there's more left unseen

There's not much I can do to repay all you've done
So I give my hands to You

on my own

I can't believe that I"m here in this place again
How did I manage to mess up one more time?
This pattern seems to be the story of my life
Should have learned this lesson by the thousandth time

'Cause I promise myself I wouldn't fall
But here I've fallen
I guess I'm not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to You

Oh God You have to save me
You're my last and only hope
All my right answers fail me
I can't seem to make it on my own

I always thought that I would be strong enough
What made all of them fall couldn't take me down
Yeah, did I think that I was above it all
I have learned that pride comes before the fall

I can't promise that I won't fall
'Cause here I've fallen
I know I'm not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to You

Lyrics That Fit Life

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

----------------

Many things in life are hard for me
Many things can pull us down
I don't understand why I do what I do
How could I take my eyes off You
After all You've done for me
And after all You've done for me

It's by Your grace and love I am saved
It's by Your grace and love You've forgiven me, hey
And by that love and grace, I'm amazed
It's by Your grace and love I am free
I am free

And it's by grace and love that I am free
I'll live with you eternally
I thank you Lord that I am free
I thank you Lord for loving me
I thank you Lord for dying upon the tree of Calvary
I thank you Lord for loving me
I thank you Lord for dying for me

Because it's by grace and love I am saved
It's by Your grace and love You've forgiven me, hey
And by that love and grace, I'm amazed
It's by Your grace and love I am free
I am free

Many things in life are hard for me
But my grace and love You've forgiven me
And by grace and love we are free

-------------------


I know its possibly the oddest mix of songs, Avril and Kutless, but it fits my life right now. The avril one, I know its meant to be a boy-girl song, but parts of it make me think of God. Not that he leaves, but when I screw up, misplace my priorities, lose that close loving relationship that I had, then those words just apply so much. True, that a lot of it applies to the missing of more than just God, and that happens as well. It is in that missing that things are realized though, like just how much of an incredible person you were with. How much a part of you that person has become. But how sometimes, because of how much we care for that other person, and for ourselves, we forget about putting God first in our lives, and honoring Him in all we do.
Its been an "interesting" weekend, full of breaking, restoration, tears, joys, love and absolute amazement at how great of a God we are honored to be in a relationship with.
How great is our God!

The summer job is..
house painting all day
maybe starbucks at night..
we'll see


Im tired