back to fred penner and macaroni necklaces

This past weekend was awesome. Im exhausted from it, but it was so great to get to see people again.
It feels like this summer has forced me to make so many decisions, to be a lot more responsible than I had been for quite some time. There just felt like there was so much pressure on me all the time. I find myself wishing sometimes that I could go back to the simplicity of being 5 years old again, where my biggest worry in life was when one of my toys broke or one of my friends couldnt come out to play. I wish I could return to the days of fred penner, the berenstein bears, and tvokids. The days where I went to school to make macaroni necklaces and have a nap. The days where I didnt have to think about the future so much and in so many ways. Thats what it feels like now, every little decision I make affects my future in some way, sometimes in a huge way. Finding a job, going away for a weekend, relationships, course choices, deciding what I need, these things all have forced me to think about my future and what I want out of it. The past few weeks of summer have made me think about all of this even more. I had to think about if I was returning to Redeemer, what job could I take that could allow me to still go, do I have to move back home. Then when I got back home, it felt like my mom had a hundered and one questions about what was in my future with school, with lance, with friends, with this summer, with my dad, with everything. Questions that I found difficult to think about and answer because they forced me to think about things I didnt really want to face just yet, I wanted a few more years of fred penner and macaroni necklaces.
This weekend was an escape from that pressure and those questions, a time to let loose with friends, have a campfire, to play some cards, lots of cards, talk, sit around and think about nothing. It was so much fun to see friends and it felt like we had never been apart. The weekend had some downsides to it, Rach and I had to cook dinner for the boys, and Vanessa and I lost in Basketball, and I lost in everything else we played, but over all it was still a great weekend. A good time not to have to think about the future and how my choices were affecting it. Or so I thought..
I still had to think about my future, I still had to think about what I did in the present and how it could affect my future. I guess thats part of growing up, having to deal with theses things constantly. The same questions that had been asked of me all summer were in my head, but in an all new context. And it scares me. I scare myself. But I know it can all be understood and handled, with God's help, with the help of others, there can be the strength that is needed.
Sunday was a day where I had to think about this a lot, the ride home was a strong hour and half or so of listening to some quality worship and thinking and praying. Then after admitting my fear of not knowing what to do, being encouraged by a loyal friend and a fellow traveler, and getting some good good good ice cream, I know things will be ok. I know there is support from God and from others and I know that because of the way I feel...


we can do it.