My Help Comes From The Lord

I was sure by now, God, You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth





Wow, and I thought that next weekend was supposed to be the long one, not this one. I think yesterday was the longest day of my life. I went home for the weekend, and it was really good at first. I loved being home and just being with my mom, my dog, my friends. I miss it when Im here, I miss the familiarity of it all. Saturday night Lance came down and the two of us hung out and that was also really good, I missed him, even though I had seen him 2 nights before, thats the strange thing about going from seeing someone every day to seeing them maybe once or twice a week.
We got up sunday morning, with both of us not having enough sleep thats for sure! Church was decent that morning, and then after church Lance and I said our good-byes, he headed home and I headed back to Hamilton.
The drive up here was difficult, because I've just had so much on my mind and on my heart for the past two weeks, and I just wanted the comfort and safety of home.
Something thats really been pressuring me lately is the thought about money. I hate to think about it, it seems so trivial in comparison to so much more. But its come to the place that if I stay where I am, paying rent, buying my own groceries, paying for gas, and only making 8.36 an hour, I wont be able to afford going to Redeemer in the fall. I could maybe scrounge up enough for a semester, but that would be it. So yesterday, my mom and I decided that I needed to choose this week if I was going to stay doing what I was doing and either not go back to school, or to just keep doing the same thing and hope that in some way God would provide. People keep telling me just to "trust" God. But I think that somewhere in our faith we need to be proactive and not idiots and do something in the trust of God.
Another part of thinking about this is the fact that my mom is without a job right now and trying to go back to school, so money is tight in my house. And there is a lot of guilt in my heart about living away from home, not helping to provide, not being there for my mom when she needs me most. Thanks mothers day for helping me understand this.
So after talking to some good people about things, hearing their opinions and getting their prayer support, I have decided that I need to move back home, where rent is free and groceries are cheap. Once there I will get a new job, hopefully one in landscaping although there are other alternatives, and make double what I make now. This, God-willing, will give me enough to return to Redeemer in the fall, provide some income for my mom, and give me enough gas money to visit everyone.
Trusting God should be easy right, at least thats the way that everyone makes it seem, but in reality it's so much harder to just give it up to God, surrender everything, just let go. Im scarred to go into work in an hour and give my resignation, Im scarred to move back home and not have my friends directly around me all the time.
This summer, the two weeks of it, feels like a series of dead ends. Me thinking that a window has opened and that I have a clear view of what lies ahead, and then suddenly everything changes and I turn around. Each day I find that I have to renew my strength and again trust that God's taking me to a place and teaching me things and bringing me to my knees because its in His Will for me.
Lance gave me a good analogy that his dad gave to him, of our lives as a maze. There is a final destination, a right ending out there somewhere, but we take a few wrong turns, or right turns, and we end up at a wall, and then we just have to turn around and try another way. At least it was something along those lines.. but it makes sense.
So all hope now is that I will get a job that will allow me to return to Redeemer, or that God will provide a way for me to keep going. Even as each storm and frustration comes, I'm going to praise God, praise Him for the people He has placed in my life, praise Him for giving me so many great opportunities, praise Him for teaching me, praise Him for holding me during the long nights.
Amen.




PS. If anyone lives Cambridge area and knows of a great paying job... hook a sista up!